Home » Kurzgeschichten » Ein paar alte Unix-Befehle

Ein paar alte Unix-Befehle

Man probiere auf einem Unix-Account aus:


% make fire
Make: Don't know how to make fire. Stop.

% why not?
No match.

% gotta light?
No match.

% !1984
1984: Event not found. # (on some systems)

% How's my lovemaking?
Unmatched '.

% "How would you rate Bush's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% [Where is my brain?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

% sh
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create

% cd /tmp
% touch this; chmod 000 this
% ln -s /usr/bin/touch U
% U this
U: cannot touch this: no write permission

% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% ar m God
ar: God does not exist

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% drink
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found

% alias alias alias
alias: Too dangerous to alias that.

% cat catfood
cat: cannot open catfood

% cat "catfood"
cat: can't open catfood

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% man pussy
No manual entry for pussy.

% rm God
rm: God nonexistent

% ar r God
ar: creating God

% Unmatched ".
Unmatched ".

% write desert
desert is not logged on.

% man you
No manual entry for you.

% !bluemoon
bluemoon: Event not found.

% scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"^J^D
"Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found

% cat 'the can of tuna'
cat: cannot open the can of tuna

% rm Quayle-brains
rm: Quayle-brains nonexistent

% cat "door: paws too slippery"
cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery
* % look into "my eyes"
* look: cannot open my eyes


% lost
lost: not found

% make war
Make:
Don't know how to make war.
Stop.

% mkdir yellow_pages; cat > yellow_pages
yellow_pages: Is a directory

%touch me
%chmod 000 me
%touch me
touch: cannot touch me: permission denied

% ar x "my love life"
ar: my love life does not exist

% ar x "matey, the treasure"
ar: matey, the tresure does not exist


% talk Gorvachev@Kremlin
talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address.

% talk Comrade Khruchev
[Your party is not logged on]

make "bottle open"
make "heads or tails of all this"
make love
make mistake
make sense
man woman
man -kisses dog
% man: Why did you leave your wife?
man:: too many arguments
%who is God?
%harrison@sun.lclark.edu

Note that the '%' prompt indicates the C shell, while the '$' prompt
indicates the Bourne shell.
Go ahead and try some ...

$ ar x God
ar: God does not exist

$ cat "door: paws too slippery"
cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery

$ cat "food in tin cans"
cat: cannot open food in tin cans

$ lost
lost: not found

% mkdir yellow_pages; cat > yellow_pages
yellow_pages: Is a directory

% sleep with me
bad character

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

% sh

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found


$ talk Comrade Khruchev
[Your party is not logged on]



Die meisten Sachen laufen nur noch auf alten Kisten...

Bewertung: +++|-

Kurzgeschichte-Funktionen

  • Link zu dieser Seite (als HTML-Code): 
 

ńhnliche Kurzgeschichten

    Also sprach der Prozessor

    Stromversorgung:
    He Leute! Aufwachen, der Alte will was von euch!

    Prozessor:
    Gaehn...was'n los?...

    Eingetragen am 25.12.2007 um 16:11:37

    Bewertung: ++++-

    Betriebssysteme als Biere

    DOS Bier
    Du mu√üt Deinen eigene Dosen√∂ffner verwenden, und die Instruktionen zum √∂ffnen m√ľssen genau gelesen...

    Eingetragen am 25.12.2007 um 14:10:09

    Bewertung: ++++-

    König Artus' Problem

    Eine kleine Geschichte

    Der junge Koenig Artus geriet in einen Hinterhalt und wurde vom Koenig des Nachbarreiches...

    Eingetragen am 25.12.2007 um 15:38:16

    Bewertung: ++++-

    Wenn Betriebssysteme Fluggesellschaften wären

    DOS-Airlines
    Alle schieben das Flugzeug an, bis es abhebt, dann springen alle auf und lassen das Flugzeug trudeln,...

    Eingetragen am 25.12.2007 um 15:38:16

    Bewertung: ++++|

    Stilbl√ľten einer Pensionsversicherungsanstalt

    Tagtäglich erhält die PVArb (Pensionsversicherungsanstalt der Arbeiter) Zuschriften von Pensionisten. Meistens sind...

    Eingetragen am 25.12.2007 um 13:29:33

    Bewertung: +++--